3ish am in the Morning
3:12 am in the morning...
I cannot sleep... which happens to be for a second time this week. I don't need to wake up early tomorrow, though it is not an advantage cause I will be going to Chicago to vote, and double dip it with a consulate related task: I have to assign my father as my proxy so that he can hand a paper from the police department in Turkey... a necessity for the accreditation process of my doctorate degree... I still don't know why I do it, considering how much time/money I spent for... Necessities never end! You finish your PhD program, find yourself in a search for a job, you find it, but never enough because you have to set the goals of your image in five years: where will I be in five years? Do I know it by any chance? Of course not! Maybe "because of this reason" (I love to use this phrase as soon as I start to write, I love "as soon as" too), the reason of having more open doors for probable futures, I am preparing this... Can I imagine where I will be at the beginning of the next year? No.
3.17 am in the morning...
While I was leaving my office today, somehow I felt myself extremely happy, which only occurs occasionally. I searched the events that happened during the day in order to identify the factor(s) eliciting this ridiculous happiness:
But I could not identify the smell, neither the memory [I think this last sentence is semantically and grammatically incorrect with the use of "neither", but who cares?].
3:22 am in the morning...
I wish I was an introvert who accepts himself with cons as much as pros, but the ted-talk that I watched today showed that I may not be an introvert, but more a shy person because of the value I put on others' judgments. Introverts are the ones who accept and enjoy their alone times: I love reading books, but not as much as I enjoy a philosophical conversation inside my mind. Even in my mind, I am not alone! See, I cannot be an introvert...
By the way, "we should catch up soon" is a mystery even for those whose native language is English. I thought that the phrase is very culture-dependent, which means a polite and "tactful" follow up and automatic response to a conversation that was initiated. Be cautious, because this paragraph may include an extreme amount of reproach, to whom it may concern...
3:27 am in the morning...
I know you are going to read this, and ridicule me of why I am writing this in English, maybe lightly will smile at the moment...
You know I don't even have an energy to articulate my thoughts about the recent happenings... about what I feel... how you made me feel... what I think about my decision...
The reproach is not for you, you should know that!
I think when you don't have an energy, you only remember the artifacts (humans, smells...) that remind something from past, but not the feelings. I don't even remember how I felt when I saw that person who has hairs just like you...
3:32 am in the morning...
I wish I know that I can sleep, which also reminded me someone who have sleeping problems... Insomnia can be a habit of mind for some of us...
I bought a book about sleeping disorder for that person as a birthday gift, but could not have an energy to give it. A second-hand book cannot be a birthday gift anyway, so I am relieved with my own rules of birthday gifts...
Time to go to bed, and pray for me to take a rest...
I cannot sleep... which happens to be for a second time this week. I don't need to wake up early tomorrow, though it is not an advantage cause I will be going to Chicago to vote, and double dip it with a consulate related task: I have to assign my father as my proxy so that he can hand a paper from the police department in Turkey... a necessity for the accreditation process of my doctorate degree... I still don't know why I do it, considering how much time/money I spent for... Necessities never end! You finish your PhD program, find yourself in a search for a job, you find it, but never enough because you have to set the goals of your image in five years: where will I be in five years? Do I know it by any chance? Of course not! Maybe "because of this reason" (I love to use this phrase as soon as I start to write, I love "as soon as" too), the reason of having more open doors for probable futures, I am preparing this... Can I imagine where I will be at the beginning of the next year? No.
3.17 am in the morning...
While I was leaving my office today, somehow I felt myself extremely happy, which only occurs occasionally. I searched the events that happened during the day in order to identify the factor(s) eliciting this ridiculous happiness:
- Starbucks coffee? no!
- Progress with the poster? no!
- A genuine conversation with my supervisor? Maybe...
- Or a smell which initiated an unknown happy memory from my past? Maybe...
But I could not identify the smell, neither the memory [I think this last sentence is semantically and grammatically incorrect with the use of "neither", but who cares?].
3:22 am in the morning...
I wish I was an introvert who accepts himself with cons as much as pros, but the ted-talk that I watched today showed that I may not be an introvert, but more a shy person because of the value I put on others' judgments. Introverts are the ones who accept and enjoy their alone times: I love reading books, but not as much as I enjoy a philosophical conversation inside my mind. Even in my mind, I am not alone! See, I cannot be an introvert...
By the way, "we should catch up soon" is a mystery even for those whose native language is English. I thought that the phrase is very culture-dependent, which means a polite and "tactful" follow up and automatic response to a conversation that was initiated. Be cautious, because this paragraph may include an extreme amount of reproach, to whom it may concern...
3:27 am in the morning...
I know you are going to read this, and ridicule me of why I am writing this in English, maybe lightly will smile at the moment...
You know I don't even have an energy to articulate my thoughts about the recent happenings... about what I feel... how you made me feel... what I think about my decision...
The reproach is not for you, you should know that!
I think when you don't have an energy, you only remember the artifacts (humans, smells...) that remind something from past, but not the feelings. I don't even remember how I felt when I saw that person who has hairs just like you...
3:32 am in the morning...
I wish I know that I can sleep, which also reminded me someone who have sleeping problems... Insomnia can be a habit of mind for some of us...
I bought a book about sleeping disorder for that person as a birthday gift, but could not have an energy to give it. A second-hand book cannot be a birthday gift anyway, so I am relieved with my own rules of birthday gifts...
Time to go to bed, and pray for me to take a rest...
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