My First Aphorism

Speak up! Nobody stops you? What is your problem? Tell! This is an open domain, I dare you...

While his name is Merdi Aka, by whom or why has he been called Merdi Meydan? Hard to know. He is a kind of relative. And am sure he has a story too, and am sure he told me when I was a kid too... But it just passed over just my head. 

Thanks to God (!) Thanks to God we are in good health, and our neurons do almost work properly... almost... What a weird consolation this is, isn't it? 

My maternal grandmother lost her husband in 1984. Though I was born at that time, it is normal that I don't remember him. I was just 1 year old. After that year until 2008, my grandmother lived in her apartment by herself. My youngest uncle had not been married at that time. If we assume he got married in 1990, she lived with his son for almost 6 years. Other than that, she lived with him in the same building for maybe 4-5 years: the same building but different floors. And my other uncle was also living in the same building, even longer than my youngest uncle. So, even though she was living by herself all alone after 1984, when she needed something, at least one of her sons was easily approachable. Maybe during her last years, she was all alone, during which both of my uncles moved into a different part of the city. I remember my mom many times insisted her to stay with us at least for a couple of days, but she preferred to stay at her house: "I cannot be comfortable with a stranger (referring to my father(!))". And she was right. During these rare incidences when my mom achieved to persuade her to stay, she was so shy even to open our fridge. We could not make her comfortable enough during these up to two days, and she returned back to her home: "No, that is enough, let me go back to my apartment". The expected but early death of her (maybe) favorite grandchild made her suffered a lot. Maybe even more than the death of her husband in 1984... She was so silent during her last days... 

And why am I telling these? If you cannot find even one person to tell (and for the sake of tell - not a necessity we are talking about), inevitably you would tell it here... A pen and a notebook might even be better friends (!).  

People are always in a rush: running from one place to the other... Sure they are lonely like a highway, but they cannot accept it due to their longstanding pride! Either they are pretty busy, or pretty tired, or have a pretty headache! Then be honest to state that you would not prefer to share it with me! And even you state, it is not the solution. Then where is the solution? Then, if I have an answer, I would not ask this to you, Suheda (name meaning for "Martyr"), wouldn't I?

"Martyr will gush out if you..."

Maybe we should be plural. Sometimes, we only need a person: with flesh and bones, and with some soul! Even an interactive ios would be enough nowadays... Like Samantha. Even if it is just the artificial result of our technology, I am OK with her having no real emotions.

I am extremely busy these days, Suheda...  Recently, my professor asked me how much time I spent for lunch. I am such busy, Suheda. Don't think that I am trying to find an excuse! I don't have time. If I have time, of course I would spend it for you! 

For me, for me!

"To me, to me, to your Bihter."

And then they ask why Bihter killed herself. I think it is a wise question maybe. Why did she kill herself indeed?